Ah what people write - classic!

Newport City Council

Newport City Council have published extracts from letters of complaints written by residents:

  • 1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

  • 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

  • 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

  • 4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

  • 5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

  • 6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
  • 7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
  • 8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
  • 9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
  • 10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
  • 11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
  • 12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
  • 13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny and not fit to drink.
  • 14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
  • 15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
  • 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
  • 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
  • 18. I am a single woman l am writing in about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

  • 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..
  • 20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
  • 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
  • 22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

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